life at a literary agency (and breasts!)

I’ve recently started an internship at a literary agency, which I’m very much enjoying. Literary agents are the step in between authors and publishing houses, for those of you who don’t know. It is possible to get a novel published without an agent, but I wouldn’t advise it; most publishers won’t read unsolicited manuscripts, and agents will know which editors to get your novel to. Agents will negotiate the best deal financially.

At the end of my first full week, I’ve already learned a lot.

Like … what not to do when trying to get a novel published.

I get to read many of the submissions that come in, and a number are well-written, interesting, addressed politely and have followed the submission guidelines. These are not the majority.

Though our submission guidelines are clearly posted on the website, which ask for a hard copy, there are many people who seem to be confused by this. I get emails every day (usually addressed: “Dear Sir or Madam”) asking for representation, and often with no message about the novel in question. When referring one individual to our submission guidelines on the website, he acknowledged that he had read them, but asked for a five minute phone call or in-person meeting with the agent (whom he didn’t address by name). He insisted that he wouldn’t be doing this if he didn’t know his novel would be a best-seller.

Readers, do I take his word for it?

In this business, like in most businesses, business etiquette will only get you far. When seeking representation, ask politely, address the agent by name, include information about the novel, and above all, follow the submission guidelines. If someone hasn’t bothered to read the guidelines, I can only assume they haven’t bothered to write a decent novel. Every single submission whether it comes by email or by post is read and considered, but the ones that don’t follow the guidelines have done themselves a huge disservice. Whoever ends up reading it at the agency is already annoyed that they’re reading yet another person’s email who couldn’t be bothered to take the time to read the guidelines.

The ones that come in having followed the guidelines are already miles ahead. I kind of want to see them all represented. And isn’t that something you want the agency thinking as they go through your submission?

I’ve heard other agents going on and on asking people to follow the guidelines, and I see now how much restraint they’re actually showing.


For those interested, I’ve also noticed a few reoccurring traits that rejected manuscripts share:

1) Breasts. Breastsbreastsbreasts. I just read a manuscript that had breasts mentioned – in no connection with the plot – on page 3 (twice), 4, 5 (twice), 6, 8 and 9 (twice). Then I stopped reading. Sure, most female characters will have breasts, and sure, most straight male writers will think about them at some point. But I don’t want to read a story and be left with the impression that the author was thinking about sex (and breasts!) the whole time. I read another manuscript where every single female character was sexualized in some way by the end of the third chapter – in no connection to the plot. Again, sure, male protagonists will think about other characters’ breasts. But do we need detailed physical descriptions of all the side female characters in the story when we have yet to learn what the two male leads look like? I don’t want a book like that, and I doubt most men want a book like that – if they’re looking for breasts, they’re looking at porn.

2) The assurance that this novel will make an excellent movie. Are you writing a novel or a screenplay? Because we represent only novels. (As stated in our submission guidelines.)

3) Self-insertion. The really cool guy syndrome. The beautiful girl whom everyone wants – she can’t even walk down the street without leaving a trail of broken hearts in her wake. You know what I mean. Go on – give the character a flaw or two. Maybe the guy lost his smokin’ Ferrari to his gambling addiction, maybe the girl has cast a spell that went horribly wrong and she’s left with the guilt of destroying every marriage in town. I don’t know. But it would make the story more interesting.

That’s all for today. Tune in next week for when I snap and lobby to have our submission guidelines re-written saying we don’t accept manuscripts with a single mention of breasts.